Well here is our baby, I present to you
Meeting Seth
Every week
they tell me I’m improving, but all I care about is him. Another day at Dr. Malone’s
office. It’s the weekly habit to be here, twice a week for the past year and a
half since I left the hospital. Frankly just like the hospital I’m getting sick
of this place. The same baby and mama deer picture on the wall and the fake
receptionist Susan who treats me like a crazy five year old.
Finally, I get
called in to see Dr. Malone. We go through the same questions as always,
“How are you doing?”
“Has anything happened in
the last few days?”
And the most famous one of
all,
“How does that make you
feel?”
The worst part is the fake
tone of sympathy he has like he actually gives a damn, when you know he is just
waiting for the time to be over and my insurance company to pay him the $250
per session. I will admit the maroon coloured couch that I lay on is insanely
comfortable. All I think about during the session is how I need to find a place
that sells the couch! It’s just so squishy and comfortable; it’s the type you
sink in when you lay on it! I’m either thinking about the couch or almost
falling asleep. I’m so accustomed to answering the same questions I could
probably answer them while sleeping and not even miss a beat. But that is what you get when you go crazy.
But with what my mental breakdown brought me, I guess I can’t complain much.
Now I’m on my
way home. It’s nice to have a day off! I get to get ready for my one year
anniversary dinner with Seth tonight! I can’t believe it’s already been a year,
although our love has existed a lot longer than just a year.
As I open the
door to our apartment the feeling of warmth fills my insides. The apartment still
smells like coffee that Seth made this morning, as well as the musk from his
cologne I bought him for Christmas. As I walk to the kitchen, I walk past my
favourite wall of the whole place. The wall is a bright yellow painted wall
with two black shelves, and a brown bookshelf that comes just above my belly button
sitting in front of it. Seth painted the wall because yellow is supposed to
brighten people up, and he wanted me to be happy when I’m in the apartment. The
colour of the wall is not the only part of that area of our place that makes me
happy. All the memoires that sit on that wall as well fills me with joy. The bookshelf
holds pictures of us from the past year, as well as pictures of our friends and
families. Well mostly his family, I just have a picture of my mom and sister
Carly, as well as a picture of myself and my Aunt Cindy. A box that holds our
letters from the hospital sits on one of the shelves, while a napkin that has
the words “You’re gorgeous, text me” written on it sits in a frame on the other
shelf. The napkin was the first move Seth made on me! The shelves and walls
have plenty more room for more memories to be placed on them.
Well I guess
you’re wondering how Seth and my relationship started. It’s pretty adorable
might I add. I will tell you the story in a quick manner as I have to get ready
for our one year date. Before I start I’m just going to go get a Pepsi from the
fridge and put my phone on the speaker so I can listen to my favourite songs
and get comfy.
Ok back! My
laptop is on my laptop cushion with my Pepsi on the side table, music playing a
soft love song in the background and my West Highland Terrier Jake is sitting
beside me. My pink leopard print blanket lays on top of my sweat pant covered
legs creating a barrier between the cushion and my legs. My Pepsi trickles down
my throat quenching my thirst, but not for long. Let’s begin!
For the beginning
of mine and Seth’s story you have to go all the way back to the mental
hospital. Both of us entered at around the same time. I a month earlier than
him, both of us projected to be in for a year. The reasons for our stays are
another story all together. After four months of being in the stupid rooms with
white walls, while going through intense therapy feeling lonelier than a person
on a stranded island my therapist wanted to try something new. Before I tell
you what he wanted to try let me just say that the hospitals should paint the
damn walls. Someone could go even crazier than they already are, I don’t know
how I didn’t. Anyway back to the story. My doctor wanted me to have a pen pal
with another patient in the hospital. The doctor said we could help each other
with some problems, and express our feeling about life. I agreed, I thought it would give me
something else to do besides people watching/ judging the other crazies. This included
counting how many times a day Laura, the lady in the wheelchair would tap the
window, the number of times varied but the number of taps was nineteen every
time. She was a very nice lady, she kept me sane! Her OCD just took over her
life. To make her feel better I would tap my leg when I talked to her. The
nurses also thought it was a good idea. I guess they thought it would make me
stop telling them to “F**k off” on a daily basis. Which I still to this do not
regret saying as I could tell they were all judging all the patients on their
little breaks. They didn’t give two sh*ts about the patients, they were just
there for the job. The only nurse I liked was Nurse Diana, who had qualities
like my mother. I still go for tea with her on a monthly basis.
A few days
later I wrote the letter. All it contained was my name, and the sentence,
“How are you?”
Why I sent
that, I don’t actually know. A day later I got a letter back from this boy
named Seth. His reply to my letter was,
“Hi Annabelle,
I’m Seth nice to meet you! And I guess I’m
doing alright for being in this sh*t hole! How are you?”
Right when I
read the words “...in this sh*t hole!” I knew I was going to enjoy talking to
this boy. It was one of the first times I giggled while in the hospital.
The letters became longer, they
became filled with more emotion, and soon so did I. The doctor said he had seen much improvement in
me over the past three months since I had started talking to Seth. In my last
five months at the hospital, I had truly fallen for Seth and he said he had
fallen for me. This was such a huge step in both mine and Seth’s recovery. It was
the first time I felt love in a long time. I had thought I had forgotten what
love felt like and what it was. Seth had truly reminded me. Two things angered
me though. The first was that the doctors refused to let me meet Seth. The second was that I was getting discharged from
the hospital really soon. I was scared and sad that I would never love again,
and that I was losing Seth. I was scared that I would never hear anyone call me
“My beautiful Bella” anymore. That was the nickname Seth gave me because “Bella”
means beauty in Italian, and Seth is part Italian. This was the first time I
didn’t want to leave the hospital.
The time had
come for me to leave. My suitcase was packed and my letters from Seth were wrapped
up in an elastic band and tucked away in one of the pockets. Seth and I
promised each other that we would both keep the letters we wrote to each other.
I said my goodbyes to Diana and Laura, took my last two pills and got the
information for my new therapist. Before I got into my Aunt Cindy’s car, I
turned around and gave two big’ole middle fingers to the hospital. My mom’s
sister Cindy took me home. I would stay with her until I was stable enough to
be by myself and had a job and found a place on my own.
Every single
day since I had left the hospital I stopped at Starbucks. I would try a new
drink every single time I went. The smell of the bitter coffee became an
addiction. Some of the other addictions I opened myself up to were people
watching and writing. Starbucks is great because I could drink my coffee,
people watch and write on my laptop all at once. As I spent most of my time and money at
Starbucks the manager decided to offer me an interview and then a job. I was
so happy to get the job. I was also so happy at how far I had come since
getting out of the hospital only a month and half earlier. My mood was also
improving, I felt a lot happier with my life again. Seth was still always on my
mind. I knew he was supposed to get out of the hospital a week prior to me
getting the job. It killed me that I had no contact with him.
I picked up
how the store worked pretty fast. That impressed my boss. After only two weeks
I had also started to pick up on the “regulars” and what they always got. After
only a month I noticed there was a man around the same age as me that was very
cute, and had started to become a regular. Whenever he would order from me we
would always flirt a little bit. One day
he told me his name was Charles, and a couple days later he gave me his number.
He knew me as Belle not Annabelle. I had started going as Belle since I got out
of the hospital, I thought it would help me have a fresh start. I had started
texting Charles. We really started getting closer with each other. He was the
first person I had gotten close with since Seth. I knew it would be a long time
until I told Charles about the hospital, but God it felt amazing to see and
feel that someone cared about me again.
Finally after
a month of talking with this handsome man with slight but sexy facial hair, big
bright blue eyes that reminded me a lot like the gorgeous Leonardo Dicaprio’s
eyes, and muscles that showed through his shirts, Charles finally asked me out
to dinner.
He picked a
really nice Italian restaurant! Before I went downstairs to meet him my Aunt
gave me a confidence boost. She was proud of how far I had come and so was I.
She hugged me, kissed my cheek and before I walked out the door I wiped her joy
filled tears off her face, and told her I loved her. It was the first time I
said the words “I love you” since being out of the hospital. He picked me up in
his big black GMC Sierra truck. He told me I looked gorgeous in my black dress,
and pink high heels. When he said that I could feel my cheeks start to get
warm, and I looked at my reflection in the side mirrors of his truck, and just
like I guessed, I was blushing.
We sat
in the restaurant; I had a delicious Fettuccini Alfredo while Charles had a
small pepperoni pizza. We both drank Pepsi’s and shared a creamy strawberry cheesecake
for dessert. During dinner we talked about our lives, I tried to avoid my past
at all costs. It was so easy talking to him; he was such a sweetheart. He
really reminded me of Seth. We decided to go back to his place.
Once we got to
his apartment we sat on the couch for a few minutes but he wanted to go put
some music on and get some wine. He first went over and put on a playlist on
his black iPhone 4s. I believe the playlist was labelled romantic with a red
heart emoji beside it, it was so adorable. As he pressed play and started
walking toward the kitchen I told him my real name was Annabelle. After he
grabbed the two wine glasses from his cherry coloured wood cupboard, he turned
around to look at me and said
“I used to
talk to this girl names Annabelle. I would always call her my Beautiful Bella because
in Italian Bella means beauty, and I’m part Italian. We were really close.” He
turned back around while smiling. His tone toward the end of that sentence went
a little quieter. You could tell he missed this girl.
As he was saying
that sentence, A thousand thoughts started running through my mind. Everything
started clicking! All that really mattered to me was I heard those amazing
words again,
“Beautiful
Bella.”
I stood up, by
then he was pouring the wine. I opened my mouth and in a soft voice with a tone
of curiosity I asked,
“Seth?”
Charles
stopped what he was doing, stunned he turned around and said in a voice that
sounded like he was shocked and amazed, with his facial reaction bearing the
same signs,
“No freaking
way!”
He walked
toward me; we both had wide eyes, and were shaking our heads ever so slightly
side to side showing how shocked we both were. We talked about the letters, and
the hospital. He told me how he decided to go by his middle name Charles to
give him a fresh start. I was filled with utter joy! About ten minutes later he
kissed me and said he couldn’t believe that we found each other. I truly couldn’t
believe it either. We both missed talking to each other so so much. I have to
admit nothing was better than when he kissed me. His lips thick with a nice
light pink colouring were so soft against mine. Everything felt so right at
that moment. I felt safe, happy and warm, like everything was meant to be. It
was so nice to feel this happy again.
When I finally
went back home I told my aunt about Seth. I’m one of the only ones that still gets
to call him Seth as he still goes by Charles. My aunt was so happy for me. We started dating quite quickly after that
first date. Six months into the relationship I moved in with him. Six months
later here we are celebrating our one year anniversary. I am the happiest I
have ever been. Yes, I am still recovering/ improving but so is Seth. It is a
process we are going through together. We have people that support, care, and
love us, and we love each other and that’s all that matters.
I just went
and put on the same black dress from our first date. I hear Seth come in. He
hands me a gorgeous bouquet of five red roses, with roses being my favourite
flower, and five being my favourite number. He gives me a huge hug; I get
filled with joy as he does it. He kisses me and we wish each other happy
anniversary. I grab my black winter jacket. As we walk out the door he says to
me in such a loving voice
“Let’s go
celebrate our love, my Beautiful Bella.”
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